January 2007

NEW WEB SITE
CLOSE ONE
THANK YOU (PETER WILLATS)
THIS MONTH
ON YER BIKE – THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
DEFINITIONS
VIDEOS WORTH WATCHING. Brain Morrison, Flying and An Amazing Mind
ARCARI ON GUITAR
WOMEN ARE SMART


NEW WEB SITE
Hey, hey – I have a new website, loving designed and executed by the very talented chaps at Ideas.co.uk in Falkirk. You can even access the videos from one of the pages. DO have a look, and let me know what you think. www.mindplay.co.uk

CLOSE ONE
just today, it’s the last day of the month and I’m driving along the A71 – doing around 60. Unbeknown to me, the suspension spring is broken. I don’t know, but I’m about to find out. The bottom end of the spring, shaped rather like a spear, gouges into the tyre and instantly shreds it.

Thankfully, the worst thing was the fright (pucker factor 9). The 25-minute wait for the RAC recovery vehicle. And the garageinvoice; still to be received.

THANK YOU
Many thanks to Peter Willats. Peter, you may remember, has a house on the channel island of Sark, and he kindly invited myself (though God knows why) and some of the world’s top mind readers – including Luke Jermay, Bannachek, Ian Rowland and John Archer, to the island. He is a remarkably generous, and kind-hearted, soul. Recently, I received a package from him in which there was a copy of the DVD “Nightmare Alley”. Quite simply, he said “Saw this and thought of you”. A lovely gesture, well appreciated. Thank you, Peter.

THIS MONTH
I saw in the New year at DUNKELD HILTON HOTEL, complete with fireworks, a piper, a band, horizontal rain, gale-force winds, flooding and even an impressive landslide a little way up the glen. Despite the weather, there was a quick dash down the A9 the following morning for my annual gig at MELVILLE CASTLE on January 1. And great fun it was, too.

Then it was off to CRAIGELLACHIE in Speyside for an alcohol-fuelled get-together organised by my old (some of them now VERY old) paragliding buddies.

Other gigs included AIRTH CASTLE, two cracking gigs at ST ANDREWS – thank you John Collier for arranging that - a Burns Supper in WHITBURN, a charity gig at ELGIN TOWN HALL – with the two Allans from Magico (I was auctioned off, which raised £550.) They must be mad! Then there was the NORTH BERWICK Marine Hotel, the SHERATON HOTEL in Edinburgh – along with with Derek Heron, Kevin McMahon and Colin McLeod. And it was all rounded of with a gig at DUNBLANE HYDRO.

Busy month, huh?

ON YER BIKE
I’m just about to embark on a training programme for a charity bike run – more news of that later. David Todd of Full Circle graphics will be accompanying myself and other riders when we cycle from London to Paris in May – Hey! Paris in the the Spring! Okay, it didn’t look far on the map, so I was a bit concerned when I got through the schedule to realise I was going to have to do 100 miles on the first day alone! (I am hoping that some of that includes crossing the Channel on the ferry, but considering I’ve hardly been on a bike since I was fifteen, this is going to be a hard one!) Do they sell bottom ointment. D’ys know?

DEFINITIONS
I love words, and one kind reader took the time to send me this. Enjoy...

Coffee (n.): a person who is coughed upon. Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained. Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly (adj.): impotent. Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.): an olive flavoured mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.): the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline. Testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam. Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Pokemon (n): A Jamaican proctologist. Frisbeetarianism (n.): the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. Circumvent (n.): the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

VIDEOS WORTH WATCHING.

The exquisite art of the Silhouette Cutter – whose name, in this case is respected caricaturist Brian Morrison. I’ve had the pleasure of working with Brian on a few occasions, and have one of these silhouettes of myself. He does them in less than 90 seconds! You can see it here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdZlVvqnHtk

Dropped from a helicopter above a mountain peak, this guy FLIES! Astonishing footage. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avQaR4sQ4Ng

And here’s one you really need to see to believe. Imagine, a young lad – a savant. After a 45-minute helicopter ride over Rome, he takes five days and a massive piece of paper, to draw an exact replica of the city.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TibQ_1zH3U


ARCARI ON GUITAR
I am reliably informed that The December/January issue of Blues Matters! Magazine has aneight-page interview/feature on Dave Arcari. Oh, and the production company handling a special BBC Radio Scotland programme he’s fronting have arranged a show at The Globe Inn, Dumfries on Saturday 3 March (approx 8pm) which will be recorded live to be used in the programme. According to Dave: “The production sees me presenting a travelogue around Robert Burns, the union and stuff all based round my re-working the bard's Parcel of Rogues into an Arcari-esque blues stomp.” Yep. That works for me!.


WOMEN ARE SMART
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour.The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her. “I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, but keeps looking at the road ahead but increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently...Up to 60."I want the car, too," he continues.
65mph."And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car veers towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what HAVE you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 70 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles."The airbag."ENDS