February 2007

I’m gonna keep this one short. (February is always a quiet month for me, though I had great fun with gigs at, amongst others, the Glasgow Hilton and in Hinkley, Leicestershire... But there are more important things to cover here.

First of all, Happy Birthday, Mummy!

As some of you are already aware, I am training (and I use the word loosely) for a 300-mile charity cycle from London to Paris. My good friend Ean Jones, on discovering exactly what this entailed, wrote: “Please stress to people you are doing this in just 4 days, not 4 weeks! AND... if you really are (you're not, surely...SURELY??) going to do this on a bike with - in relative terms - tractor wheels, please broadcast this fact as well!”

Okay – I’ve done that. It’s NOT a jaunt to Paris, but a serious attempt to give myself leg-lesions and bottom-blisters. But it IS for a good cause. You can view a short, up-beat video here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWBYrXIkve4

Now, here’s your chance to make your mark. Just log onto www.justgiving.com/drewmcadam and you can help send me on my way. For those who already have, I thank you – you have all surprised me with your generosity and it is deeply, deeply appreciated. For those who haven’t - I would value a wee nod in my direction. This is the first – and last – time I’m doing something like this. Ever!

Now to some lighter stuff, which I hope you, enjoy.

XXX

Gladys Chucklebutty started me off on this one...

Born in the Fifties? Amazing we survived, considering that we were born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. As though that were not bad enough, they took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, our cots – not to mention most of the toys we stuffed into our mouths - were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paints. Come to think of it, we had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets. And when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Though we DID have an ice-lolly stick hitting the spokes in an attempt to make it sound like a motorcycle.

We drank water from the garden hose – or puddles if REALLY thirsty, and NOT from a designer bottle. We shared one bottle of fizzy soft drink with four friends, giving it a cursory wipe on a sleeve before each slug. And NO ONE actually died from this. If we dropped a sweet on the ground, the three-second rule applied.
We ate cakes, biscuits, crisps, chocolate, white bread and real butter washed down by full-fat soft drinks, but we weren't overweight because... WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! Indeed, we would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

Our dads would let us stick our heads out of car windows at speed so we could feel a 50mph wind whistling up our noses.
We didn’t have Play Stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes... no video games whatsoever. There was no 99 channels on cable, no DVD’s, no surround-sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms. No Bratz. No teenage soap operas... Instead, we had friends, and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth - and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and tasted mud pies... and the worms did not live in us forever. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

Instead of phoning, we actually walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or – more likely - just yelled for them! Playground games teams were selected by one-potato, two-potato. And in school sports, not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with the disappointment, and if they were determined to make the team next time, then practice! Imagine that!
AND YET - This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem-solvers and inventors - ever! The past 30 years have been an explosion of innovation, imagination, and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we actually learned how to deal with it all.

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government – along with the Health and Safety nazis - regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

AND THIS FROM VARIOUS OTHER SOURCES...

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down. I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought: That's Aboriginal.

XXX

You all know by now that I love quirky definitions... so here are some more, just for you...

Antelope (v): to run off with your mother’s sister.Assassination (n): an arrangement to meet a donkey.Basket (n): a short nap in the sun.Diarrhoea (n) a very unattractive bottom. Dictator (n): hilariously shaped, edible tuber.Dipthong (v): to wash a lady's undergarment. Dumpling (n): small lump of excrement. Gastronome (n): small person prone to excess wind.Innuendo (n): Italian suppository. Ostentatious: make and model of a pre-war British luxury car.Propaganda (n): a wooden support for one-legged male geese.
TOLD YOU I WAS KEEPING IT SHORT. I hope you enjoyed it, though!

Best wishes, and don’t forget www.justgiving.com/drewmcadam

Drew